Male Wish List was a Twitter hashtag between 2014 and 2019. I’ve read the tweets over the years and been touched again by the writer’s voices.
Sending it out today in honor of Dads and everyone who recognizes the beautiful and core role they play in our lives.
Male Wish List
To see the collective of men as the brotherhood, not the competition
To believe you have the strength, when those you love know you have but you’re not so sure
To live in a world in which tenderness, compassion, and sensitivity are no longer regarded as primarily feminine qualitie
(by Signe Ruddy)
For all men to celebrate their god given gifts
That men will be able to express the right feeling at the right person at the right time
For young boys not to be shamed for crying, and to no longer hear “I’ll give you something to cry about”
That men would embrace their shame and not project it onto others, but rather spend time building shame resilience
To feel safe being vulnerable around other people, to feel loved, connected, and accepted for who I truly am
To touch without fear, to feel without despair, to dream without nightmares
To hold onto my courage as I allow love into my life
That fathers would be emotionally present for their sons and daughters
To have friends who say “get up” when I feel like giving up on something which is important to me
For anger to be considered a valid emotion
To be held, rather than to only hold
That men would begin to realize the need to evolve, to change and to take responsibility for feelings, behaviour and talk
For sanity and peace of mind. My head sounds like a blender that’s stuck in the on position.
To be me, not what other people think should be me
To feel free to be who I am in every moment without fear of being judged as unmanly whether by other men, women, or culture
To have a broader spectrum of emotional expression, moving from experiencing the world in monochrome to one of colour
To feel that my sensitivity is an asset rather than a weakness to be feared and hidden from others
To be comforted, and hugged, and looked after
To have it that pulling back can be a healthy move ... we’ve got to honor our men for who they are
That fewer boys will have to wander alone, unsupported, in the never-never land between boyhood and manhood
To live my own truth and let go of all fear-based media bullshit
A culture that encourages personal relationships based on spiritual affinities rather than political, social and career ones
For women to realize all men aren’t the same and we do not all fit the stereotypes
To lead the kinds of lives that will make young boys feel eager to grow up and join our ranks
To meet a woman who I can share my self-awareness with, and enjoy intimacy, both spiritual and physical, without fear
To have a male friend who I can share intimacy with, and feel safe doing so
To take our boys out and initiate them into the brotherhood of man - and into a sense of their own male identity - as of old
To remember that failure & rejection do not reduce or diminish me as a man, but are pathways into my own strength & wisdom
To have trusted male friends I can talk with openly when I’m trying to work thru some problem or just having a tough day
To make a living doing work that truly moves me
For fathers: to be emotionally healthy, present and available
To smile at a child in public or enjoy watching kids play in the park without being seen as some kind of threat or weirdo
That every man be free to express his pain without fear of it being used against him as a weapon
For more men to realize that working themselves to death is not the best way to meet the real needs of their families
For more men to realize that their parental love means so much to their kids, despite what anti-dad types say
For every man to have an opportunity for an extended sabbatical (not weeks but months) to slow down & rediscover his essence
To know and trust that I can be strong and powerful without hurting others
For men to be able to speak up about any pain and be met with something other than harsh judgment for “failing at manhood”
That men would be emotionally brave
To live in a world in which greed, avarice, venal stupidity, and amoral self-interest are punished rather than rewarded
That every man would have at least one compassionate witness to his pain & confusion, someone he knows he can always count on
For the company of Good Men
That all dads feel empowered to care for and connect with their children, and feel supported in their efforts to do so
For my father to have his family reunited before we lose him
To allow my brother & extended family to love and embrace our differences
To be able to talk about anything that affects men without it being forced through the lens of “how does _____ affect women”
To live in a world in which men and boys who’ve been abused feel free to talk about it, and have the words to do so
For every city and university to have a fully functional men’s center offering support and resources for men in need
Wouldn’t it be nice if men would reward/encourage sensitivity & empathy when they see it in other men
For equal regard when it comes to men’s concerns and opinions as parents
For a world where more men could sit in truth-speaking circles and learn to accept our glorious imperfections
To let go of everything I learned from John Wayne and other so called super heroes
Take a deep breath and another one when faced with fear, anger or sadness and know that everything is OK
The satisfaction, the blessing, of knowing I’m in just the right place as the man I am
That my son, Joaquin wouldn’t be shamed by his pre-school teachers and Grandparents for having his toenails painted
So much of this resonates, I'd be hard pressed to mention them all. But here's a few that hit me:
"To live in a world in which greed, avarice, venal stupidity, and amoral self-interest are punished rather than rewarded"
"That fathers would be emotionally present for their sons and daughters" [awesome]
"To hold onto my courage as I allow love into my life"
"The satisfaction, the blessing, of knowing I’m in just the right place as the man I am" [ongoing work it seems]
"To live my own truth and let go of all fear-based media bullshit" [Fortunately, I learned this one long ago. Would more people take it to heart]
I could go on, great food for thought and inspiration Andrew. Many thanks and all the best!