Is This the Key Healing Ingredient for Men and Women?
This always available option is simple but not easy.
Artist: Signe Ruddy
This post is given over to notes sent me by my friend Sue Burrell, from Sydney, Australia. Sue’s a Focuser and Jungian with a long and deep practice in what human-to-human communication can be, here especially in the often-troubled communication between women and men. She focuses on how what we ourselves do affects the relationship with our perceived adversaries.
I note that Warren Farrell’s amazing book, The Myth of Male Power, which so clearly and compassionately laid out the complementarity relationship between the sexes, came out in 1993. I re-read through the introduction recently, which details in short form the fundamentals of the man-woman relationship in North America. It could have been written last week. Despite much good work being done by individuals, little has changed in the social and public conversation between the sexes. Sue’s pointing to what a key part of the change looks like.
Over to Sue Burrell . . .
The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling is an audio documentary that examines some of the most contentious conflicts of our time through the life and career of the world’s most successful author. In conversation with host Megan Phelps-Roper, J.K. Rowling speaks with unprecedented candor and depth about the controversies surrounding her—from book bans to debates on gender and sex. The series also examines the forces propelling this moment in history, through interviews with Rowling’s supporters and critics, journalists, historians, clinicians, and more.
Megan Phelps-Roper, who interviews Rowling, was a member of Westboro Baptist Chruch in the USA. The church is notorious for its vicious and cruel attacks on groups they consider sinners, such as homosexuals, and women who have abortions.
Contrary to what many observers think of these people, Megan said her mother, one of 13 children, had siblings 11 of whom were lawyers. Her grandfather had won awards as a civil rights lawyer. They fervently and regularly searched the Scriptures, and critiqued the beliefs of other Christians, to ensure their beliefs were ‘correct’.
When Megan’s beliefs, which she posted about online, were challenged with sincere questions, by people willing to listen to her non-judgementally, [emphasis added-ACM] she began to question her beliefs at a much deeper level than she had ever done before. Two foundational beliefs she had were that the Bible was the literal, infallible Word of God, and that the Westboro Church interpretation of the Bible was THE correct one.
After she had ‘seen the light’, and modified her views, Megan was struck with remorse, and forced to consider what measures she could take to avoid falling into such deep error in her beliefs again. She came up with the following list, which JKR strongly endorsed. JKR had examined her own ideas with this rigour, in the face of the onslaught of criticism and threats she faced when she made her opinion on transgender legislation being proposed in Britain, and transgender issues in general.
Are you capable of entertaining real doubt about your beliefs, or are you operating from a position of certainty? JKR comments that a strong ‘tell’ here is that when we feel most certain, and get a rush of adrenaline, maybe thinking ‘God, I’m a good person’. As we take our stand, say our bit, we are operating out of hubris/a complex.
Can you articulate the evidence you would need to change your position, or is your position unfalsifiable?
Can you articulate your opponent’s position in a way that they would recognise? JKR said she had read her opponents books, listened to their talks – this has to be done.
Are you attacking ideas, or the people who hold them?
Are you willing to cut off close relationships with people who disagree with you? For example, forcing people out of their jobs, or homes, issuing threats of violence, or (as MPR and he family did) celebrating their misfortune or tragedy?
A shorter list from an associate of Susan has some parallels:
Have I lost my sense of humour?
Am I extending grace to the other person/s, re their motives, words and actions – giving them the benefit of the doubt, making up a good story.
Am I in the grip of very strong, negative emotions?
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Thank you Sue!
So I can be clear and out there with what I think (believe, am) while giving the other the absolute right to think what they think. My own view has nothing to do with what they should do; that’s just now how human change happens. Or for that matter, now we have a good day.
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